Vodka sucks...

If you recall, I never listed vodka amongst the liquors that I like. Let me explain.

There are only two men in this world that I like to drink vodka with, my father, and local artist, Ruslan Khais. You may think that Ruslan is a strange name. It may be in Philadelphia, but in the land of vodka it might as well be Tom, Dick, or Harry... Just a name. When I drink vodka with Ruslan, we drink it in one of two ways. Frozen or warm. Not watered down, not mixed with cranberry juice (have you figured out my hatred of the vodka and cranberry, or "cape codder" if you are a pretentious prick?), not mixed with orange juice, just straight and like a man or a really bad ass woman.

The only reason I drink vodka with these two men is the ritual. I'll drink anything that honors an age old drinking tradition started by a rich drinking culture even if I am not a huge fan. I'll drink vodka to honor the Russians (or Polish depending on which version of the origin you believe), raki to honor the Greek, grappa to honor the Italians. Hell, I'd even drink moonshine to honor our brothers in the south if it was put in front of me. It doesn't mean I like these things, but you have to have respect for traditions lest they die.

Beyond that, vodka has been bastardized within an inch of its life by big marketing in the liquor world.

Let's start with the modern goal of vodka. In most people's eyes, the beautiful thing about vodka is that it tastes like nothing. In short, the better the vodka the more it tastes like nothing. Does this sound just plain stupid to anyone besides me? If I am going to spend $30+ on a bottle or $10+ on a drink in a bar, it damned well better taste like something, and I don't want to hear about it tasting "clean."

The other excuse for vodka is that it takes on the flavor of whatever you mix it with. To me, all this says is that you want to cover up the taste of alcohol with a variety of crappy juices, or you are drinking to get drunk, not to enjoy the drink. That makes vodka the tofu of the drinking world with one major exception: at least you can make tofu taste good.